So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
