Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
