so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
