I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
