After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
