What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
