And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
