I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
