Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
