you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
whose parrot is this?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
