I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
