Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
