i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
