I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize