i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
