I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize