he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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