I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
