good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
