Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
