I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
