can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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