So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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