Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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