you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
