We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's always time for handjobs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
