i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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