we have pet lesbian snakes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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