I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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