Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
should my penis look like a turkey
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
