come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
