she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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