Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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