took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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