I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
