Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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