Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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