I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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