Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
