Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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