remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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