I need help removing her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
