you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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