i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
