She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
