I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
