I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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