Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
