just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
