there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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