Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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