Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
