so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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