I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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