I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
