Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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