please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
