i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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