sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
