I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
