So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
