WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
