i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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