Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
