dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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