so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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