just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
