Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
