Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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