He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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