I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
