I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
