Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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